Help me lose my mind
wow. I can barely type but I'm going to do my best. The room is spinning. And apparently, I'm scared of commitment, and so fucking scared of getting hurt that it's paralyzing me. I had dinner with Ethan and his friends tonight and it should've made me feel more conneceted to him but instead it made me feel even more terrified and anxious of him leaving me at any moment. I don't know why my gut churns when I think about him in any positive way. I feel myself attaching and immediately feel the need to flee so that I don't get hurt. It's completely sabotoging my relationship with ethan because I'm so fucking uptight about it that I can't even get myself to relax and be myself around him. I don't know how to get my brain to see: If I don't loosen up and become my true self around him pretty soon, there will be no more relationship to work on. maybe I will pray tonight to give me the self-confidence, wisdom and strength to move forward with relati...