I'm so fucking lonely
I hate admitting this to myself. It drives me fucking mad that I revolve my life around the attention of men, let it ruin my weekend. I can't stop thinking about him. Jack. Most of the time, recently, it's been Jack. But of course it's also been Matt. It always comes back to him, especially when I'm feeling particularly lonely and pathetic. I just want to be deeply in love with someone. G-d, do I miss that feeling. I've had guys at my beckon call, even had one fall madly in love with me since M, but I haven't been totally in love with them in the same way. The only one that came close was X, but it was ripped from me after only a month. When Jack is involved I feel like a powerless little girl. My mind is completely taken over by thoughts of him and it's been like this for months. And then when I can't get fulfillment from him my mind instantly wanders to other guys on my "roster" and grapples for someone who can give me attention. Even if it...