The Quarter Life Crisis of an Ashkenazi Princess

When was the last time I had a crush like this? It must have been high school,for I don't remember the last time I felt so utterly light-headed and unintentionally giddy for a guy that I hadn't even gone on one date with. It's halloween weekend and I'm already home, makeup off, wearing my pajamas sitting on the couch at 1:22AM. I took a bong hit from some leftover weed someone packed my bong with during my birthday. I've been smoking a lot recently (weed, and nicotine--which I'm not supremely proud of) but it just feels like it fits the moment and gd, do I feel sexy when I take a drag of something. It gives you that fake, utterly egocentric self-confidence and maybe underneath everything you realy recognize that, but you choose to ride the moment and puff your chest.  Anyways, the point is that I'm high. That should've become clear in the first paragraph. I haven't been able to stop thinking about Josh Medway since our soccer game last Saturday when ...

I'm sitting here listening to my comfort album, Currents by Tame Impala - and funny enough, the song that just came on is Yes I'm Changing , a song about moving on and moving forward and welcoming change into your life. I suppose that's where I'm at during this very moment and season of my life. I turned 24 on Saturday! It's old and young at the same time. The pre-birthday blues were so so real, but now that the inevitable happened and I turned another year older, I've quickly accepted that I just have to try to make this year the best one yet. The past two weeks have been so busy, chaotic for me emotionally as well as physically, and have certainly left an impact on my life. I know I won't be the same from this point forward, and I'm giving myself no other option than to think of it as a good thing.  The war in Israel abruptly started and it doesn't seem like it will be stopping anytime soon. This is the closest I have ever been to war in my adult l...

Why are all my titles so damn depressing?? I guess it's akin to praying; many of us only do it in a time of distress, because theat's when we need it most. My birthday is now 9 days away, and I can't help but feel weird tonight. I think it's a lot of things. I felt like just diving into the new book I'm reading to try to forget about it, but I think that writing it down might help me feel a little relieved of my burdens.  First, I'm recovering from being sick. Just a cold, but I don't feel 100% yet and it kept me from going into the office this week, missing some socialization time. I also don't really have weekend plans yet, and I usually look to my weekend plans to give me some excitement and escape from weekly dread. On top of that, Maya might have strep throat, and I think she's mad at me for making her wear a mask in the apartment. I've apologized several times, stating that I wouldn't be so "crazy" about it if it weren't f...

What is it about this season that makes me feel so lonely? The temperature is dropping into the 60s and with it comes the anticipation of cuffing season. Maya has a boyfriend now, and I'm starting to feel the effects of it despite her being pretty good at maintaining her independance and still having fun with Annabel and me. Tonight I found out Aidan is taking her to a John Mayer concert on Tuesday and bought their tickets for $250 each. Sophie and her boyfriend are in Milan. Meanwhile, I'm vyying for a guy who won't even buy me a single drink. It makes me feel incredibly lonely and sad. This weekend was basically the end with Jack. I gave him the ultimatum last Saturday night when he hit me up to have sex, and I was so nervous in the cab ride over I nearly threw up. But, I said my peace: we either date casually , or we don't see each other again. I guess he chose the latter, because he told Lance on Monday that it was probably over. Of course, I would never be privvy t...