The Quarter Life Crisis of an Ashkenazi Princess

These are my Days of Awe. The period between when I tell him I want him, for real this time, and the moment I get my answer. The answer could come in any form or it might not come in any form at all, and I'll be left inferring the truth. But unlike most of my pathetic, sad, and unempowered other entries about him, I'm choosing positivity. Most of all, I'm choosing self love. I look so subltly seductive that I'm almost turning myself on. In my low-cut, short colorful kimono with my layered hair up in a clip and my lips lightly shiny from lip balm, I'm the picture of effortless sex. I'm convinced I could turn nearly anyone on looking like this, especially in the soft pink light of my ikea heart lamp. I'm listening to Agora Hills by Doja Cat and I only heard this song 24 hours ago, but I'm completely obsessed. It strikes the perfect balance of sensual, vulnerable, powerful, and just a little bit desperate. Being a woman is being desperate in the most irresi...

I guess it's become a tradition for me to journal on Yom Kippur. I have trouble with living in the moment and reflecting, so this day is an important one for me. It's 5:11pm and my fast will be over in about an hour, and I kept putting this journal entry off. I also feel so good when I hit "post" on an entry, but the procrastination to get my thoughts out gets me every time. I suppose more so today, since it's a naturally emotional day for me.  Where do I even start about the past year?? It feels like a blur, but I know I've had many formative experiences this year that will shape me for the rest of my life and I will likely not forget some of them. We could start with all the romantic interests who have come and gone; starting with Xavier Westergaard in October, who shattered my heart in a quick and merciless way - Sean Haimowitz in November and December, who had me thinking I had finally gotten lucky with the "perfect" guy, only to learn in hindsig...

It's currently 2:07am and I'm listening to Everyone is Gonna Love Me Now by Ingrid Michaelson. It's describing me perfectly at the moment: "Maybe I can go away/where everyone is gonna love me now." It's just a song about wanting to feel loved.  I crave the secure connection I had in a relationship and I'm starting to realize that it's been a while since I've had that. I'm in a complete downward spiral with Jack lately and have faced some rejections from other men that have had me feeling a little more self-conscious than usual. In addition, I have the suspicion that I've put on weight (even though I have not weighed myself to confirm it) and reckoning with not being as twiggy as I was in college is giving me serious self-confidence issues. At least my social anxiety has been doing better. Pick apart the pieces of your heart and let me peer inside Let me in where only your thoughts have and let me occupy your mind as you do mine. I only list...