The Quarter Life Crisis of an Ashkenazi Princess

  I'm sitting in a coffee shop in Madison, Wisconsin on a Sunday, eating a breakfast sandwich and passing the time until I need to be on my bus back to O'hare. It took nearly a whole day to get here, and now it will take a whole day to get back.  I had a college roommate reunion with Danielle, Talia and Hannah and we spent basically the whole weekend high. It was really fun. But for some reason, probably the sleep deprivation and bittersweet feeling of saying goodbye to friends, I'm feeling kind of sad. I think it's kind of weird seeing the lives your friends are living and realizing how different it is from your own, good or bad. That if you had made different decisions, you could be living that life too. It really comes down to what we choose, what we want. Danielle seems to be really happy here, even though I could never imagine being satisfied in a small town like this. Don't get me wrong, it's been a fabulous visit with lots of fun restaurants, shops, and b...

How can a long weekend be so fun, while simultaneously being so fucking shitty? I'll be honest, I haven't been feeling myself lately. Do I need a therapist? Maybe. There's been a cloud over me recently and I know it has to do with my love life, because it always comes back to that. Here I am finally admitting it: Jack doesn't want me anymore, and I'm not even going to get the chance to end it on my own terms. I had a master plan--hook up with him one more time this weekend, finally tell him how I feel about him, and then immediately reveal that I am seeing another guy and dump him. I guess the main reason this fantasy sounded so appealing to me is because it gave me the illusion of control in a situation where I've felt so wildly out of control that I essentially became a madwoman. My nervous system has been on such high alert for months and it really hit me on Tuesday when I tweaked my back and my shoulders have been sore since. I've been holding way too mu...

  I wasn't expecting to write about Father's Day. I got back from the club about an hour ago, and it's currently 3:50AM. Tonight was crazy, and I'm incredibly drunk. Maya and I went to Little Sister, a hugely popular and very exclusive club in flatiron, Between the two of us we paid $125 and each got about 2 drinks out of it. We met a heavy metal artist named Evan Seinfeld, along with his son and manager (who maya was happy to meet since she's about to release an EP). I made out with two guys and got a few instas/numbers. But, without fail, I come back thinking about two guys who aren't worth dogshit, but occupy my mind nonetheless: Jack and M. I was nearly on the verge of tears telling Maya how pathetic I felt not being able to let the feeling go. But then, right before I opened my laptop, I checked my cooking account and saw that my dad liked my two most recent photos: one of avocado toast and one of mushroom cream sauce. I don't know why this made me so e...

It's 9:30 on a Saturday. I woke up earlier than expected because I drank too much last night, a pattern that has been frequent recently. But I felt it was important for me to come on here and acknowledge what a good night last night was. It started out at a Chabad event with Maya, and I met one of her religious friends Daniela who she had met at another event. Instead of going to the service, the three of us went on the hunt for a candle so Daniela could light it for Shabbat. She can't keep money on her, so I paid for her birthday candles at CVS. It was small but I felt like I did a mitzvah. Then at the actual event I met plenty of people, mostly guys, and the food was decent. I didn't stick to Maya's side and I generally felt confident the whole time I was there. Next up the two of us took a taxi to a house party for some guys we met at a club last week. They're not jewish, and almost no one at the party was, but sometimes I think it's cool being around the goy...

Today has been kind of rough. It started off when I woke up having dreamed about sex with Jack and realizing I've been way too stressed about him lately. Then I tweaked my upper back and my shoulders have been in nonstop pain. Then I took out the trash and it trailed disgusting liquid everywhere, including the elevator, so I had to go clean it up which took awhile. When I finally got around to unloading the dishwasher, I dropped a can of ginger ale and it exploded everywhere, leaving a sticky mess for me to clean up. I also spent about an hour on my hair trying out my new mermade waver, and I hate the results. I was kind of excited for this party we're having this weekend, and then of course Annabel said she isn't gonna be here for it, probably because of her anxiety which has been making her pretty lame lately. Half the time she doesn't even go out with us anymore. It's out of my control, but it still has been wearing on me. I really don't want to take this wor...

I'm kind of sad right now. I want to cry but I'm not so sure about what. This past week has actually been pretty great--I went to NOLA for a last minute business trip, came back and partied the whole weekend. I saw Funny Girl on broadway. I got brunch with Raegan, went to a birthday party, made out with a cool Jewish guy at a club who now wants to take me on a date. Phillip spontaneously called me.  But one thing DIDN'T happen: Jack. He didn't reach out, we didn't hook up. I called him last night at 2am when I was leaving the club, and he didn't answer. It's just so fucking frustrating and confusing when I want him all the gddamn time, and he wants me only when it's convenient for him. I've been dragged behind him for so long and I desperatley want out of this hysteria while simultaneously needing him every second and craving his attention.  The problem is, I need someone else. Someone else is the solution. I haven't had sex with another guy for ...