Coming from Wisconsin

 I'm sitting in a coffee shop in Madison, Wisconsin on a Sunday, eating a breakfast sandwich and passing the time until I need to be on my bus back to O'hare. It took nearly a whole day to get here, and now it will take a whole day to get back.  I had a college roommate reunion with Danielle, Talia and Hannah and we spent basically the whole weekend high. It was really fun. But for some reason, probably the sleep deprivation and bittersweet feeling of saying goodbye to friends, I'm feeling kind of sad. I think it's kind of weird seeing the lives your friends are living and realizing how different it is from your own, good or bad. That if you had made different decisions, you could be living that life too. It really comes down to what we choose, what we want. Danielle seems to be really happy here, even though I could never imagine being satisfied in a small town like this. Don't get me wrong, it's been a fabulous visit with lots of fun restaurants, shops, and bars, but there just isn't enough going on here, enough people to meet and possibility to be had. I suppose that doesn't matter as much when you have a boyfriend like she does. We met Rob, Danielle's boyfriend who she's been dating for almost a year now. When they first started dating, she made it seem like it wouldn't be that permanent of a thing. Rob still hasn't graduated college, lives in his grandparent's basement, and doesn't really have a job. He's decently overweight and doesn't work out. He also smokes an insane amount of weed and is high 24/7. He even drives around high, which is irresponsible. I don't think he'd be able to support the kind of life Danielle has always pictured for herself.

Despite all these things, Rob is an amazing guy and he's great for Danielle. He balances out her anxious nature, is introspective and philosophical, and thinks outside the box. He follows his own path, something she appreciates and tries to emphasize for her own life. They have fun together, and he takes care of her in different ways than she takes care of him. He never asks her to change. He's nice to her friends and family. She thinks he'd be a great dad.

the dynamic of their relationship really reminded me of a book I recently read: Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. The book warns of the dangers of being too picky in dating, and explains how oftentimes the happies marriages and relationships are the ones where there wasn't much fanfare as to how the relationship started, or the woman initially thought she was "settling" on too many traits. Personally, I don't think I could settle on the same things Danielle has chosen to settle for at this moment. She told us that even though she initially dated him for fun, she's now starting to picture a future with him. She mentioned that she might have to change her expectation of lifestyle, such as sending her kids to camp, because he won't make as much money as she's used to living with. She seemed to be okay with this compromise. But to me, there's nothing dignified about being poor. Jesus, I'm so pretentious and judgmental sometimes. But the thought of changing my lifestyle for a guy who treats me nice seems like a sacrifice I could never make.