The Quarter Life Crisis of an Ashkenazi Princess

Today I deleted M's google account off of my phone. I had been using it as a last resort when stalking him and kept checking his google history. I had intended on deleting in sooner (or had I really?) until I saw a powerful tiktok about a woman documenting how many days of "no contact" she had had from a guy in her life. She called it a "relationship detox." And it made me realize just how addicting these relationships can be. Addiction makes you do crazy things. You abandon friends, family, hobbies, ambitions. You might even make some terrible decisions and justify them because you're not thinking straight. Well, that's how I've been acting for awhile. Going through my ex's search history? Really? Typing it now, it really does sound insane. I know I've done the right thing by trying to erase his existence from my phone and my life as much as possible. From now on I'm going to truly make an effort to "detox" M from my life. No s...

When thinking about what character form Sex and the City I identify with most, I always say "Charlotte, with a touch of Carrie." Charlotte is the hopeless romantic; she is nothing without a relationship, and dreams all day about marriage and kids. Carrie is always hung up on an ex, and makes stupid decisions because of it.  But the character I should really be trying to identify with is Miranda. Miranda is still looking for guys like Charlotte and Carrie, and still experiences her fair share of shitty men, bad luck, and heartbreak... but the difference relies on how she handles it. Miranda does a good job of reframing  things. For example, when she runs into her ex Steve and his new girlfriend, she tells a joke about it to her friends. Sure, she's annoyed and hurt, and found herself in an awkward situation, but instead of sitting around moping for herself feeling purposeless without Steve. Instead, she continues on with her dating life and continues having sex with whoeve...

My dad just sent me a budget excel spreadsheet that he made in his free time to help me see my finances for New York. I wanted to send it to you. I wanted to facetime you and talk about it. But I've really been working on my self-restraint lately and not reaching out to you. Yes, it kills me. There are at least 4 times a day I see something that reminds me of you and I want to send it. A tiktok. An article. A picture. Something miscellaneous, like this budget spreadsheet.  Why do I always have to end my day feeling sad about you? Today was a pretty good day. I had krishna lunch alone in plaza while reading my kindle for a good hour (I just started a new book -- Hillbilly Elegy). I presented a powerpoint in one of my classes and it went pretty well. I had my very last chapter of aephi, where I got to give a parting speech that got a few laughs. I showered and smoked a little weed. I pulled up Scott Pilgrim vs the World and plan on watching a little bit before I go to bed. My life is...