Celebrating the little things

Today I deleted M's google account off of my phone. I had been using it as a last resort when stalking him and kept checking his google history. I had intended on deleting in sooner (or had I really?) until I saw a powerful tiktok about a woman documenting how many days of "no contact" she had had from a guy in her life. She called it a "relationship detox." And it made me realize just how addicting these relationships can be.

Addiction makes you do crazy things. You abandon friends, family, hobbies, ambitions. You might even make some terrible decisions and justify them because you're not thinking straight. Well, that's how I've been acting for awhile. Going through my ex's search history? Really? Typing it now, it really does sound insane. I know I've done the right thing by trying to erase his existence from my phone and my life as much as possible.

From now on I'm going to truly make an effort to "detox" M from my life. No snapchatting. No texting. No looking through our old pictures or conversations. No desperate thirst traps, or looking to see if he viewed my story. No google account. No following him on Instagram. I'm finally doing something for myself. And this time, it's for real. 

To celebrate this small win and step to recovery, I watched the Daft Punk - Around the World music video (Linked here). It gave me so much joy for some reason. I realized while watching it that there are so many cool, interesting things in this world that I can just have for myself, and I don't have to share it with a boyfriend. I can find purpose in other things. It won't be easy to center things in my life other than men, but I'm going to give it a try. 

Here's to one day "sober!"

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