The Quarter Life Crisis of an Ashkenazi Princess

Oh my gosh oh my gosh, the title of this post is, like, sooo embarassing. Yes Barbara, it's supposed to be. What invites this cutting humor this evening? I relapsed last night. Not only did I masturbate to my fetish, but I watched porn to it. Stright on PornHub. I'm disappointed in myself because I've actually been doing pretty great on my new year's resolutions. My sex drive has been steadily returning and part of focusing on myself has been masturbating more, and taking the focus off of my fetish while I do so. I even bought myself a massive (well, 5 inches), pink, silicone dildo with a suction cup  that new resides on my dresser (to be put away when my family visits... along with my weed... and lube... anyways, I digress. After I had my "fuck it" moment and gave into my addiction, it just felt so stupid. The orgasm isn't nearly as strong as when I fantazie about real sex, and use my fingers or dildo. The porn is a shortcut to turn me on without even get...

 What is it about an orgasm that makes me instantly fall in love with a man? I read a book recently that has been changing my life: Why Men Love Bitches  by Sherry Argov.  The book basically outlines how to go from a "doormat" to a "dreamgirl," and how to get men to respect you, court you, and want you as their dreamgirl . The book offers so many great principles such as  Men don't respond to words; they respond to no contact Don't nag men, it will make them see you as their mommy and they will want to rebel like a little kid never tell a man you're "looking for a relationship" right off the bat. Then they will feel like you're needy, and will run the opposite direction Women develop feelings from sex; men develop feelings from not being around you on that note, let a man wonder where you are or what you're up to. Don't let him know what you're doing all the time Don't keep tabs on a man, or act distrustful if he's going...

It's 2023, and I finally feel the energy shifting in my life. I know it's the 21st, and I've procrastinated writing this for awhile. But since it's still January, it counts... right? Fuck it, this is my blog and I'll write when I want to. In any case, I've come up with a few New Years Resolutions that I actually am going to try to stick to this year. In previous years, I never really made resolutions--or made one and didn't keep it. But this year, I want to focus on bettering myself. For real this time.  My 2023 Resolutions: NO MORE FETISH PORN. I haven't written about my fetish on here before because it's a source of deep shame. I've never told anyone about it--not even my closest boyfriends. In fact, typing about it right now and admitting it to something other than the insides of my own brain is quite unsettling. However, I find comfort in the anonymity of this blog. I'm not sure if it's possible to "unlearn" a fetish, but I...