Resolutions

It's 2023, and I finally feel the energy shifting in my life. I know it's the 21st, and I've procrastinated writing this for awhile. But since it's still January, it counts... right? Fuck it, this is my blog and I'll write when I want to.

In any case, I've come up with a few New Years Resolutions that I actually am going to try to stick to this year. In previous years, I never really made resolutions--or made one and didn't keep it. But this year, I want to focus on bettering myself. For real this time. 

My 2023 Resolutions:

• NO MORE FETISH PORN. I haven't written about my fetish on here before because it's a source of deep shame. I've never told anyone about it--not even my closest boyfriends. In fact, typing about it right now and admitting it to something other than the insides of my own brain is quite unsettling. However, I find comfort in the anonymity of this blog. I'm not sure if it's possible to "unlearn" a fetish, but I definitely was addicted to the porn associated with it, and used it as a form of escapism. This is something I want to leave behind in 2022. There have been several times where I have really tried to quit, but I just couldn't. Last night, I almost relapsed. It's really crazy the way your body tries to justify doing something when your brain is screaming at you not to. In any case, I resisted the urge and I'm very proud of myself. Another big reason I want to release myself from my fetish is that I want to enjoy sex more. When the month ends, I'm going to buy myself some MilkBar truffles and a dildo. I can't wait to be one month clean!
• Work out, preferrably twice a week. I know this doesn't seem like much, but in college I would go weeks without doing any physical activity. I hated how sluggish I felt. In an effort to rebrand myself, I want to have more hobbies, and working out will be one of those. I love the way I feel after and particularly grueling and sweaty workout class. And now I can also attribute my skinnyness to something!
• Cook more, and try new recipes. I've already become better at this since returning from Winter break. Examples include sweet potato bean soup, coconut chickpea curry, peanut sauce udon noodles, and black bean brownies. Cooking is healthier, and cheaper... and, I want to add this to my list of hobbies. 
• Read 16 books. This number is somewhat arbitrary. My goal last year was 12 books, and I reached 14, so I thought I'd become a little more ambitious this year. Wow look at that, working out, cooking, and reading--three more hobbies!!
• Take control of my dating life. Don't take shit from men (or from anyone, for that matter). Don't waste time on a man who doesn't want to court me properly. I'm entirely done with fuckboys. Be slower to trust guys, and don't hand over your entire heart because you're in love with a fantasy of them or you're lonely. Don't let loneliness drive you to make stupid decisions with men who don't deserve it. Be slower to respond to text messages. Don't take it personally when something doesn't work out. Be bold, and confident. By working on myself this year, I believe that I will attract someone who is deserving of my new energy.

I won't lie, dating is exhausting. It feels like any time I start to become interested in a guy, he suddenly loses interest. It's always the guys you don't want who are the ones that can't seem to get enough of you. But if I'm being optimistic here, I've already met several guys who I have connected well with--things just didn't work out for various reasons. That's incredibly frustrating. However, the fact that I even met them and knew them is proof that the right person is out there waiting for me to find them. And with that hopeful sentiment, I need to write more! Goodnight!