The Reinvigorating Feeling of a Crush

When was the last time I had a crush like this? It must have been high school,for I don't remember the last time I felt so utterly light-headed and unintentionally giddy for a guy that I hadn't even gone on one date with. It's halloween weekend and I'm already home, makeup off, wearing my pajamas sitting on the couch at 1:22AM. I took a bong hit from some leftover weed someone packed my bong with during my birthday. I've been smoking a lot recently (weed, and nicotine--which I'm not supremely proud of) but it just feels like it fits the moment and gd, do I feel sexy when I take a drag of something. It gives you that fake, utterly egocentric self-confidence and maybe underneath everything you realy recognize that, but you choose to ride the moment and puff your chest. 

Anyways, the point is that I'm high. That should've become clear in the first paragraph. I haven't been able to stop thinking about Josh Medway since our soccer game last Saturday when we flirted on the Subway and he subsequently followed me on instagram 4 days later (I almost caved first... I'm so glad I forced myself). He has all the boxes checked except maybe long hair but I think if he falls for me hard enough I can make him do anything. Maybe I'm just desperate to be excited about something other than Jack, or maybe (likely) I'm obsessed with the fantasy about what might be. Either way I'm letting myself enjoy it. It feels good to finally like a guy who I percieve to be a nice person, even if I don't actually know if he is one. 

Tonight's Halloween plans were decently fun but I really wished he was there the whole time. I keep having these insane visions and fantasies as if we're already married and I can see 2, 10, 20 years into the future. Needless to say I'm thinking about our soccer game tomorrow and the fact that I have to look really cute.

"You're in my head so I cannot forget you" - Pink Pantheress

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