The Day of Atonement

Today is Yom Kippur. So instead of going downstairs and making some of that spinach ravioli in my fridge that I can't stop thinking about, I'll write a blog post so I can remember how I felt this day. It's 4:29pm, AKA the part of the fast where you can't think about anything other than food and your stomach won't let you forget it. I haven't left my bed, other than to pee once and sit on the bathroom floor because I felt like I was going to either throw up, or pass out. I reluctantly drank some water which alleviated my discomfort for a few short minutes.

I woke up at 11:30 to attend my zoom class. It's completely ridiculous that they haven't cancelled classes today, given the huge Jewish population at UF. What's more, I've had to miss morning services for both Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur due to my morning classes. I wasn't going to do services but felt a strong urge this morning to turn on the live stream for Temple Beth El. I'd usually be home this time of the year attending services with my family and then being lazy around the house waiting to eat, and I wanted to recreate what that felt in a small way by watching services from my bed in Gainesville. As soon as I turned it on, I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt and sadness. TBE is a huge part of my connection to Judaism and the high holy days felt empty without it. The conservative service I attended at Hillel last night for Kol Nidre did little to fill that gap, as they left out many of the prayers and songs I was used to hearing at my reform service back home.

This led me to cry multiple times during the service. I was also probably in a mood from being hungry, to be honest. But I had yet to watch a full livestreamed service from my temple during a big Jewish holiday, so this felt good.