It's Time to Start a New Chapter...

 ...And I can't stand to turn the page.

Those are lyrics from the sappy song Chapters by Commuters. It makes me want to cry almost every time I hear it, so much so that I usually skip the song when it comes on unless I'm looking to have a good sob sesh. The song addresses the fact that change is hard, saying goodbye is hard, moving on is hard, starting over is hard, but life goes on nonetheless.

Some people embrace change more than others. I'm one of those people who don't take it so well. Crying through big life events is normal for me. But, at this point I've learned that eventually I'll be okay. So, after weeks of avoiding writing this blog post for fear of digging up my emotions and addressing the obvious changes in my life, I'm ready to come clean and face it. I'm ready to start a new chapter.

Part 1: The Roommates

When is life not in transition? I guess you could say never. But right now, my life seems to be exceptionally in flux. Let's start with the obvious: my four roommates graduating early and moving out of our little apartment at Lyons Corner. Danielle, Talia, and Hannah. A combination of names I've used so many times before I can hardly count. Three names that just flow together because we're with each other all the time. Living with these girls for the past 1.5 years has been probably the greatest living situation I will ever have. There's nothing like living with your best friends, and each one contributed their own unique personality to the house. Hannah was a mature voice of reason, a constant who was always there to give advice and listen. Talia was eclectic and sometimes unpredictable, but I'd have the most interesting conversations with her when I least expected it. And Danielle... the type of friend I'm so so sad to say goodbye to. We could talk for hours about our sex lives, sharing the most intimate details, and always willing to have a fun night out. Confident in herself, and not afraid to be vulnerable and authentic. I'm going to make the best out of living with new girls next semester, but no one will replace the friends that I shared a home with for nearly half of college. The late nights of getting high, watching music videos, and talking about anything and everything will always be some of my best memories.

Part 2: The Guy(s)

There's a new guy in my life. His name is Sam Speizman and he's perhaps the kindest, sweetest, most wholesome NJB I've ever met, much less love me (he's never confirmed this, but I think if I said it he'd say it back). He's one of those people that have been right under your nose for the longest time, and you never realized how great they were. I only noticed him now because I'm finally single and strictly looking for Jewish guys. As far as boxes go, he checks pretty much all of them. Smart, JEWISH, cute, kind, nice family, in aepi, going to be a doctor, wealthy, likes dogs, isn't afraid of vegetarian food, and such a gentleman. The only box he doesn't check? A scintillating personality like Matt's. That's what I've been struggling with. On top of the fact that I'm not sure if I'm ready to stop being single, I'm not sure if I'm ready to stop being single for him.

But then I think about all the other relationships I was so hesitant to dive into, for fear that I couldn't meet someone "better" or had to stop talking to other guys. Eventually, I was so happy with the guy that I didn't feel the need to look elsewhere. Besides, Sam is staying in Gainesville to do a gap year after he graduates, so if I decide that I'm not completely in love with him, I have an out.

All in all, I'm leaning towards taking the leap of faith. This relationship will do a few good things for me:

1. Help me finally separate myself from Matt

2. Finally date the type of guy I've been looking for

3. Give me someone to lean on with my roommates leaving 

And with that, I'm getting sleepy so I'm going to go read my kindle. It's time to start a new chapter... And I can't wait to turn the page.