The Daydreaming Phase

When you just have a big old crush on them and things just seem like they're headed in the right direction. And your mood is just always better because you're on a blissful high of infatuation and dreaming. When your "crush" playlist is on repeat and your heart jumps a little when you see a snapchat from him. When you can't stop thinking about the next time you get to see them and kiss them.

I'm in that sort of phase with Sam, because I've finally accepted that I might probably date him, and I'm letting myself fall. And this time, I'm letting go of the guilt and shame of leaving Matt behind. Because you never know what the future holds.

I facetimed Matt for a good amount of time tonight. Our typical discussions about Jewish heritage and history ensued, with a good sprinkle of laughs. It was one of those conversations that otherwise might leave me feeling sad that Sam doesn't (yet) make me laugh like that. But just as I started to feel bad for myself, I stopped. I felt peace in knowing that Matt and I will end up together if it is meant to be, but for now I should be excited that I have a great NJB to pursue a relationship with and enjoy the semester (or more) ahead with. 

I also experienced one of those "girlfriend" moments today when Sam told me he had gotten an interview to work as a scribe for a cardiologist. This would be a great stepping stone to med school, and would put him in a great position. He snapchatted me the news casually, but I could tell he was excited. I felt so proud of him! Suddenly his success was my success. And that's how I knew that I subconsciously (or consciously) see a future with him. 

I know I'm falling into that stupid trap where I put all my eggs in the basket of one guy, expecting him to fix all my emotional problems and all of a sudden make my life perfect. But hey, a Nice Jewish Doctor who worships the ground I walk on wouldn't be the worst thing to have around, now would it?

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