When did my life start revolving around men?

As I typed that question, I already knew the answer. It started when I was 4 years old, in preschool, with my first crush, Jessie Oxenberg (who I later ended up kissing in high school). I chased him on the playground, trying to get his attention. And when I was driving in the car with my mom, drawing on my etch-a-sketch, I asked her how to spell "Jesus" because it was the closest name to Jessie and I didn't want her to suspect that I had a crush. I wrote Jesus on my etch-a-sketch and kissed it in my car seat on the way home from wherever we were driving. 

Ever since my first crush on Jessie, they just kept rolling in. Colin Bates, Brandon Davies, Cole Kodsi, Luke Kramer, Ali Kafel, Nick Curry, Mikey Butler... and so many more that escape my memory. I don't doubt that hundreds of men have occupied my mind for various lengths throughout my 22 years. There has truly never been a time in my life since then where I haven't had my thoughts occupied by one or more guys. Usually it's multiple guys. But as I've gotten older and more serious about dating, it's narrowed down to one or two. At the moment, its 3: My ex-boyfriend (Matt), my current boyfriend (Sam), and my *maybe* future boyfriend (Sam). Past, present, future. Kind of poetic, I guess. 

It's not an even 3, though. Matt takes up 1.5, Sam (current) takes up 1, and Sam (future) takes up 0.5. And if my math is correct, 1.5+1+0.5 = 3. 

Sometimes--who am I kidding, most of the time--my relationships seem like life or death. I make them the most important aspect of my life. Whenever each of my crushes didn't like me back, it seemed like the end of the world. I've seen ecstatic highs, I've seen crushing lows, and every little emotion in-between. The moral of the story is, I'll be okay. 

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