Shame and moving past it

The reason for the impromptu post is that I have to get something off my chest. It's 11:15 on a Monday, and I just drove home from Gainesville for likely the last time. I graduated on Friday (!!) and moved out of my apartment. I'm ready and actively trying to get over M. And I was giddy because I'm talking to this awesome guy from Chicago, Sam, who I met on jswipe at Sarah's wedding in November. We were planning on seeing each other in a month when I go on my business trip to Chicago. Last night, we video chatted for almost 2 hours (it was our second time chatting). I thought it went great.

...but then I fucked up.

Forgetting that some people can be overly politically-correct, I made a stupid joke about hating Koreans because M's girlfriend is Korean. It was probably a dumb thing to say, but I was high off edibles and thought I was being funny. Sam was clearly super uncomfortable. And now he hasn't talked to me all morning.

Oh, and if thinking about M wasn't enough, last night his gf was in my dreams. So now I'm just one big ball of shame. I made salty joke about someone who didn't deserve it and probably lost someone cool in the process. 

But instead of feeling super down, I have to tell myself to move past it. I'll apologize to Sam, but if he can't accept me for the person I am then he wasn't meant for me anyways. Feeling shame never does any good. In my past experience, the best way to move past shame and embarrassment is to apologize and let the time heal what damage is done. 

Now, time to distract myself and unpack!

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