My First Winter

I put off journaling for the past few months because I've had a lot going on. That, and denial is a powerful state to be in.

It started off with October, when I went on an unassuming date to La Pecora Bianca and somehow fell into a love affair with Xavier Westergaard, a 6'2, Jewish, wealthy, smart, devastatingly handsome guy who also happens to be a weirdo. So naturally, I fell for him quickly and almost as hard as I fell for Matt. I hadn't felt that way about anyone since Matt, not even Sam Aronson, who I thought I liked as much as Matt... but it turns out, I didn't. Things with X, as I like(d) to call him, moved really, really quickly. By the second date, I was no longer talking to any other guys. He met my roommates, and they liked him. Then my mom and grandparents came to town, and he met them too. He said he loved them and had a great time. Then, he took me to Williamsburg where we walked around and he read me the signs in Hebrew and Yiddish. We talked about everything, and I was so vulnerable as to reveal to him that I cheated on Matt early in our relationship. He said it didn't scare him away, that he saw a future between us, and that he really liked me. I felt like the words, "I love you" were on the tip of his tongue in some moments. We had incredible, amazing sex. I came from head for the first time in my life. I was ready to be his girlfriend. 

And then one morning, he ended it with me out of nowhere. He claimed to be too religious for me, that we had too many differences between us and were incompatible. I briefly tried to defend myself and our relationship but realized it was futile. So I let him go and cried about it for a few hours.

It's been almost three weeks and the hickeys he gave me are just starting to vanish from my breasts. I decided I wanted to tell him how I felt, one last time, before he was permanently a stranger to me. So, I wrote him a letter. I told him how good it felt to be with someone who valued Judaism to such a high degree, and how it made me reconsider my own level of observance. I wrote it, then rewrote it, until it was perfectly crafted in my signature cursive handwriting. I delivered it yesterday, finding his apartment building by memory and slipping the envelope under his door. I'm not sure when he'll see it, or even if he'll respond to me when he does.

He probably had already started moving on with his life and wasn't planning or wanting to ever talk to me again. Sometimes I wonder if we'll ever run into each other as his sister lives in my area. For the next day or two I'll be a little on-edge waiting for his response, but I will just have to remind myself that it's out of my control and I will probably never hear from him.

In the meantime, I'm dating two guys. One, Sean Haimowitz, is a 24 year-old doctor studying to be an ENT. Oh, and he's 6'4. I tried to have sex with him on the first date after he came back here and we smoked together, but he refused because I didn't have a condom. How respectful!

The second guy is Stephen Dubner's son. Yeah, as in Stephen Dubner of Freakonomics Radio. Am I horrible for wanting to go on a second date with him because of who he's related to? Dubner would be a super fucking cool last name. And, I've already got him wrapped around my finger. We'll see where this goes.

Well, thanks for listening to another episode of Julianna's Unhinged Dating Life. See you next time for another update!